September 2007 Volume 2; Issue 2
Table Of Contents
Step into the Fire
Coaching Corner
Being Well-Used
Be Sense-able
Favorite Quotes
Guest Author

Deb Siverson founded X2ponents, a company whose mission is to dramatically impact and transform leadership in organizations.

Step into the Fire Deb Siverson

Welcome to the September edition of Exposed! As we find ourselves stepping away from the last scorching days of the season, we are reminded that it is time to step into the fire of our own leadership and potential, and embrace the challenges ahead. Our guest author for this edition is Carol Ross, a friend and colleague. It is with great pleasure that I invite you to read her candid thoughts on a recent team workshop she and I co-led, earlier in the year.

Coaching Corner Deb Siverson

After trying out, our eleven-year-old was recently selected to join a competitive soccer team. Until now, he had played recreational soccer with a group of his classmates, but his new team was filled with new faces and forged bonds. Where he had once been clear about his role and contribution, over the last several weeks, I could see him become tentative and uncertain about what he had to offer.

On Saturday, his team won the first two games of a weekend-long tournament and advanced in the rankings. Normally, I would have celebrated, but instead, I was concerned, with a knot in my stomach. It had been difficult to watch our typically confident athlete flounder, bite his nails, and focus his attention on getting rid of the ball rather than moving it toward the goal. I left the field that day wondering what had caused him to hold back when he had so much to offer.

As we made our way to the car, I wondered what kind of a leader he needed me to be at that moment. Should I put my arms around him and tell him everything will be all right, that there will be other games for him to strut his stuff? Or, would it be better to give him a bit of a wake-up call with something like, "What in the heck was going on out there?" Maybe I could just get him to talk about what he was feeling, because from the look on his face, he was filled with emotion.

Working as an Executive Coach and an Organizational Development Consultant gives me the chance to work with individuals and teams who want to move their performance to the next level. It is not unusual to come across those who are experiencing uncertainty about what they have to offer; they hesitate, and withhold the best of who they are; momentum is lost, satisfaction minimized, and ultimately, they give up. It goes without saying that playing it safe does not result in world records, gold medals, or innovative solutions. It is only when every

member of the team plays full out, giving everything they have, that full potential is realized. At full potential, there is electricity, fire, and enthusiasm. At fifty-percent, it is boring, empty, and flat.

So, why are so many of us playing at only fifty, sixty, or seventy-percent of what we are capable of? What will it take to step it up and play with courage and passion? What will motivate you to play the best game of your life?

As we drove away from the field that day, I knew we had to engage in a difficult conversation, and that my husband and I would need to walk a fine line between honesty and compassion. Because this child deserves to have everything good that the world has to offer, we stepped into the fire with him. We talked openly about the conflict between the greatness we knew he was capable of, and his current reality. We identified motivators and developed a strategy to focus him on believing in the possibilities, rather than allowing fear to manifest worst-case scenarios. Together, we created an intention and vision of how the next game would be.

And so it was. We watched a completely different player hit the field. Other parents came over to us and asked, "What happened between yesterday and today?" The ability to focus on what he wanted, and play his game in alignment with what was important to him, had an immediate and substantial impact. As we headed to the car, he turned to us and said, "Thanks for your help; I think today I played the best game of my life."

If you are tired of playing it safe and are ready to live up to your full potential, call us for a consultation. Are you ready to play the best game of your life?

To learn more about coaching, contact us at:
info@xponents.biz

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Being Well-Used
Guest Author: Carol Ross

At the end of a 14-hour day, after working with a team of 24 people in a company, I looked over at my partner for this client gig, Deb Siverson. She spoke for both of us when she uttered the words, "I feel well-used."

We were at dinner with the team. The dinner capped a marathon week of email and phone conversations with the client, weekend afternoons on the phone with my partner analyzing team data and designing the day with the team, and working closely with a subset of the team beforehand to create allies and role models.

And now, we were celebrating breakthroughs in relationships that were unimaginable a week ago. Parties that had been polarized--disenfranchised team members and management--were willing to work together on long-standing problems. The "us vs. them" stance had softened enough so that eye contact could be made with the enemy and glasses raised for a toast. Cliques dissolved as team mates chose to move to other tables to mingle. Team members felt heard. It was truly remarkable.

All of this was possible with tools from an advanced coaching curriculum on coaching systems that my partner and I had finished last year. Systems can be a couple, a family, a team at work, a department or business unit. What I am learning in applying this in the real world is that it takes all of me to serve the client well, to be well-used.

The Radar must be on target from moment to moment-noticing when a participant is disengaging, hearing the anxiety in a voice, seeing the body language of restless feet that conveys the explosive energy just below the surface, being aware of my rank as an outside coach and using my power appropriately, for the good of the system.

As I work in the moment to adjust a planned exercise to work with foursomes instead of pairs and to act on an impulse to co-create a movement with a participant, the Creative Muse is in control.

The Project Manager focuses on preparing the sponsors to play their roles effectively, gauging the time spent and time left throughout the day, touching base with my partner and with the sponsors to determine whether we are on track, setting up the room to move from one exercise to the next, effortlessly.

When participants have trouble acknowledging conflict on their team, the Story-Teller comes alive to relay my own experiences about difficult conversations with a family member. The Inquisitor holds both me and the client accountable, our feet held to the fire. Can the client get the results she wants if she's not willing to play full out? Is the client willing to release his perspective to try on a

new one? Am I being honest with the client about what is required to get the desired results? Have I role modeled what I want for the client-transparency, courage to go into the unknown, a valuing of the diverse voices on the team?

The Ham revels in role-playing as we explore unexpressed voices in the system, exaggerating the movement and tone for effect. I am pleased when I get to play the role of Danger-narrating how systems operate unconsciously in its presence.

The Truth-Teller comes forth as a way to move team members into action. I don't let them off the hook to slide into the end of the day, without the change their hearts yearn for. Being fearless now will serve the group in the long-run.

Being well-used means working with Compassion. To honor the place when tears are shed by one person but meaningful for everyone in the room. To see the humanity in those who become numb to survive. To know when a group has gone over their edge and to accept the natural instinct to go back to their comfort zone.

The Learner takes whatever is in front of me to turn it into an insight for the group. The Toddler gets curious about what's trying to happen in every moment. The Clown's silliness puts everyone at ease. The Authentic Self urges me to be vulnerable, to normalize what feels awkward for a participant.

The many parts of me come together in service to the client. My gifts are well-used.

Being well-used is not only about what I give, what is called forth from me, but the impact that it has in the world. I talked with a client, several weeks after working with her team. I was pleased to hear that some of the concepts that we believe create a healthy group are becoming part of the team's language, phrases like, "Everyone is right, but only partially."

This road of being well-used is full of potholes and detours. Some days, I'm running on empty. Other days, I zip along. In the end, I know that I have taken the client to a better, more productive and satisfying place. Along the way, we both have been transformed.

Copyright © 2007 by Carol Ross and Associates, LLC.

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Be Sense-able

Look:
Go out to watch a baseball game
Visit gardens in your neighborhood
Search out constellations in the night sky
Listen:
Children playing outside
Awkward noises as you learn a new instrument
Luciano Pavarotti: The Best (Farewell Tour)
Taste:
A fruit smoothie
A turkey-reuben sandwich
A plate of assorted sushi
Smell:
Rain on the asphalt
Fresh veggies on the grill
Linens drying on the line
Feel:
The burn of a good work out
Your dog's pull at the leash
The sting of a volleyball as you send it over a net

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Favorite Quotes

“Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.” - Reggie Leach

“Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes.”
- Kenneth Hildebrand

“You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”
- Jack London

"When we conquer without danger our triumph is without glory."
- Pierre Corneille

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Guest Author

Carol Ross, CPCC, PCC www.carolrossandassociates.com, is anCarol Ross executive coach, team development consultant, and writer with over 20 years experience in the telecommunications and energy industries. Known as "The Whole Brain Coach," she helps intelligent, analytical professionals power up their creativity and energy. Her latest coaching adventures can be found at www.boundarycrosser.com and www.leadercoachingcircle.com.

If you enjoyed this musing, visit Carol's blog, www.blog.carolrossandassociates.com and podcasts, www.liveactioncoaching.com, www.leadingwithawholenewmind.com, www.consciousliving-leaving.com.

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